


Descending Angel

by TimeTest



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Darkness, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heaven, Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mind Games, Pain, Prison, Rape, Temporary Character Death, naomi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:21:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTest/pseuds/TimeTest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is rescued from Purgatory by Naomi. He found that his repayment is more than what he owed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Open your eyes, Castiel.. Open your eyes, and see the light through the darkness.."

Cas stirred.. He shifted his leg and ran his hand along the stiff fabric beneath him. The air smelled clean- empty.

"Castiel.."

He opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the harsh light around him. This wasn't Purgatory anymore.. "H- heaven?" His throat was so dry.

"Welcome home," Cas followed the voice. A petite woman with brown hair approached him, holding out her hand. He sat up and took it silently. His eyes were still adjusting as he looked around the unfamiliar room.

"I've never been here, before.."

She smiled softly, "Not many have..," she smoothed her thumb over his knuckles before releasing his hand, "My name is Naomi. We rescued you from Purgatory, though many lives were lost in the process..,"

Cas lowered his head at the news. More angels dead because of him.. This was why he didn't go back with Dean when he had the chance.. He needed to pay penance for his brother's and sister's lives that he extinguished. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Don't fret, Castiel.. You have nothing to be ashamed of- because you can repay us."

Cas lifted his head, "How can I be of assistance?"

Naomi held his face in her hands, leaning in close, "We need information from you, Castiel. You will now be under my orders, do you understand?"

He stared into her eyes, "I understand."

  


~

  


Over the next few weeks, Cas was interrogated relentlessly. From his past, to the Angel Tablet- and he talked about it all openly as if he was under some kind of truth serum. The only time he attempted to hold a wall up was when Naomi asked him about the Winchesters. Namely Dean..  
Naomi picked up on this fact quickly. Every time Cas didn't comply, she would dangle the guilt of his family dying on his account. She slowly broke his will to protect and hide information from her.

Cas sat in the familiar chair opposite Naomi, holding the sides of his trench coat tightly. He glanced around the office. It was so bright. Everything was lit up with white clean light. He was liking this place less as the days passed by. His treatment was unjust. His living conditions were horrible. He glared across the room at Naomi's protege, Bartholomew. Fucking brat. 

He smiled coyly at Cas, rolling his eyes as he picked up on Cas' disgust. 

"Castiel." Naomi stood from her desk and walked to the back of Cas' chair, "If I asked you a question," she ran her hand along the back of his shoulders, resting on his arm and crouching to eye level in front of him, "would you be completely honest with me?"

Cas shifted awkwardly in his chair, "I'm sorry.. But it depends on what the question is."

She glared at him and squeezed his shoulder hard. 

Cas winced away from her touch. 

"Are you in love with Dean Winchester?" She watched his reaction carefully.

Cas' eyes darted around the room, "Why are you asking me this?"

"I was just wondering," she held her finger under his chin, tilting his head up to meet her gaze, "You love Dean Winchester, don't you?" Her smile was cold.

"I..-," he looked away from her, trying to focus on anything.. Anything, but her. Bartholomew cleared his throat. Cas forgot he was even there. Fucking perfect.

She tilted his head again, "Castiel, do you love Dean Winchester?"

He re-established eye contact. 

She smiled condescendingly at the fear she saw.

"..Yes," his eyes were wide and unblinking, "yes- I love him."

Naomi slapped her hand across his face, "Disgusting!" she yelled. 

He recoiled from her outburst. Fuck.. Why did he tell her that? What is going on here?

"Not only is it a human, but a male?! You're grotesque, Castiel, what is wrong with your soul?" She slapped him until he curled onto the floor off of the chair. "We haven't saved any angel from purgatory.. No.. we hauled out an abomination! Your family died for this?!"

Her repulsion reduced him to tears. He held his hands over his face, "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..," he wept. If he could just.. Be a normal angel. There was something wrong with him. Why did he have to be like this.. He was disgusting.

Bartholomew caught Naomi's arm as she drew it back for another slap. She snapped her head to look at him, relaxing into his touch. They shared a hidden smile before she turned her attention back to Cas. "It's time to go back to your room now, Castiel.. I'm so disappointed in you, I can't even stand your sight."

Two large angels in matching suits walked into the room and latched onto his arms, "..No.. No, wait.." he struggled against their grip, "Please, wait!" They walked him out of the room down a long white hall, " _Please_!" the urgency in his voice made it crack, "wait!"

They unlatched a heavy silver door and hauled him in. He fell forward, landing on his hands and knees. It was a small room with bricks on the walls. The floor was slate. It was cold. He turned back to the door, fear spreading through his body, " _Naomi_!"

The door closed and latched, cutting off the light.. Leaving him in total darkness. 

  


~

  


The clunk of the heavy door opening made him jump. He held his hand over his eyes to stop the bright glare. "Hello, Castiel.." Naomi stepped in to the room with Bartholomew in persuit, "You start your training today, would you like to come with me?"  
Cas stood slowly- his legs wobbling. He didn't know how long he'd been in there for.. Maybe a week..  
She turned and started walking. He followed her cautiously. She led him down the hall around a tight corner. They stopped at a big old wooden door. It looked menacing somehow. It didn't fit in with the bright clean hallway at all.

"In this room, you must defeat an enemy. If you do not follow orders you will be punished, is that clear?"

Cas swallowed audibly and nodded. She opened the door and gestured him in. The room looked like a factory basement.. It was a huge room with not much light.. But in comparison to his room it was like being outside on a clear Summer day. He picked up an angel blade off of the stand by the wall and started walking into the open space. He heard footsteps in one of the passages that veered off to the side, He held his breath and readied himself for combat. Here it comes..

He slid close to the door and drew back his blade.. , stalling as the image came into focus, "D-Dean?"

Dean appeared around the corner, holding his gun steady, "Cas?" they both lowered their weapons. Cas slid his blade into his coat. "Cas, what the hell are you doing here?"

Cas pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. "We need to leave. Now." Dean was here. He had to get him out. This place was too dangerous for the human that he loved above everything. Anything. He started to walk away to find another exit. He turned to find that Dean didn't follow him. "Dean, come on! I can't explain right now, but you have to trust me. Let's go, before-," 

"-No.." Instead of following Cas, Dean turned his back and walked back to the area he came from. A door shut the way leaving Cas alone again. 

"Dean, wait!" Cas ran to where the door had closed and dug his nails into the cracks. " _Dean_!" he bashed his fist against the metal. He looked around the border of it, frantically trying to find a way through. Lights turned on above him, like a simulation was terminated. Cas blinked at the sudden brightness with confusion.

"Castiel.." Naomi walked onto the floor to meet him,

"Where is Dean?" he yelled, "What are you doing to him?"

"Dean is the enemy!" she screamed back, "Your orders were to kill him- and you have not followed them! You have never done what you were told.. Not completely."

Bartholomew stepped around Naomi, leering into Cas' face, "Why are we still bothering, Naomi? You know as well as I do- no matter how many times we do this he will always be a disgrace. He will always turn. Back into this.." he waved a hand at Cas, "A pathetic excuse for our kind."

"No, Bartholomew. There is always new treatment. New formulas. This is why we choose the worst of them all to test it on." Her tone was so clinical. It sent shivers up Cas' spine. 

"In the words of a good friend..," he leaned in close to her face, "Bite me.."

Naomi sneered back at him, "Oh, we'll bite.. Don't worry," She turned toward the door, "take him back to his room!" The two large angels entered the room and took Cas by his arms. 

Cas scowled and walked back with them, giving no resistance.  


They walked him up the hall and opened his door, "Oh, boys.." she leant against the wall, "Give Castiel a bit of a _bite_ , will you? He has requested it."

Once his door was unlocked, Cas slipped out of the angel's grip and backed into his room. "Stay the fuck away from me," he warned. This wasn't the first time that he had unwanted guests in the darkness. 

He knew what followed. He clenched his jaw.  


They exchanged a look with each other and entered the darkness, closing the door in on themselves.  
Adrenaline pumped through Cas' body. He started walking to the other corner slowly. They couldn't hear him. He silently pulled the angel blade from his sleeve and held steady.

Movement to his left. He flung his arm out hard. It impaled one of them and he lit up the room from darkness as he died. The other angel tackled Cas to the ground and disarmed him, "You would kill your own brother?!" he yelled into Cas' face, saliva spraying over him, "You really are an abomination, just as Naomi said!" he started punching Cas hard in the face. With each blow, Cas felt his consciousness slip and the blood spread on his face.  
The angel pressed up against him, "Don't think you get out of it that easily-"

_Pressure on top of him.._

All he could think about was Dean.. What happened.. Is he okay?

_Ripping at his clothes.._

Why did he just leave like that..

_Strong hands pulling his body into position.._

He was so beautiful. Exactly how he remembered him.

His smile..

..His eyes..

..His..

Pain ran through his body like electricity as the angel entered him, tearing his way into his body. Cas screamed into the darkness.

~

  
  


He awoke in the dark. His body ached. He couldn't move. He let himself relax, slowly starting the healing of his body.

A week or two.. Maybe three passed..- and his door opened again. "Castiel, you can come out now.." Bartholomew left the door open and stepped out. Cas walked from the corner of the room into the bright hall, eyes half closed. He followed the blond brat around the turn and to the door. He opened it without speaking and Cas entered without looking up. He continued walking without stopping, until..

"Cas? Is that you?" Dean appeared from a different passage. Cas didn't look up. "Cas?" Dean ran to his side, his face full of concern. 

Cas lip trembled and he gripped onto Dean's jacket. He buried his face into his shirt and started sobbing and gasping for air, "please, _help me_.."

Dean started leaning away, "Get off of me.."

"Dean.. Please.." Cas hiccuped, "Please.. I- I'm scared, It's bad in here.. I- I- _can't_ -" his breath hitched, and he coughed hard.

Dean's hands came down on Cas' shoulders, pushing him way, "Don't touch me like that.."

" _No_ ," Cas gasped and clung tighter, "Don't leave me. Please- don't leave me!"

"I said _don't_!" The hunter gave him a hard shove and Cas fell to his knees in defeat. Dean walked away back into the passage with the door closing behind him. He was disgusting. Tainted. Even Dean, the love of his life didn't want to touch him. He crumbled to the ground with his hands over his face and he cried hard. Lights turned on brightly from above.

"I'm ashamed of you, Castiel." Naomi stood behind him, scoffing.

Two different Angel guards walked to either side of him. They lifted him to his feet by his biceps. He was too drained to move. His knees buckled out from underneath him. They had to carry him back to his room. He was too weak. The door closed him into the darkness.. He curled up into a corner and hugged himself. ".. _please_.."

~

Two weeks of partial solitude

Every time the door opened, Cas curled himself into his corner. It was almost always other angels.. Angels that were after his flesh. 

The door creaked open. Cas flinched. "Come. We're picking up where we left off.. You will defeat him this time, Castiel." Cas didn't move. Naomi glared into the room, "Castiel." She scoffed and walked over to him, pulling him to his knees in front of her by his tie, "Get up- you have work to do."  


His head rolled to the side. She released him and he fell onto his back.  


"Castiel.. Get up!" Bartholomew landed his foot into Cas' stomach. 

Winded, Cas gasped and coughed, but physical pain was all he showed them. They turned in a huff, bolting the door back up and encasing Cas in darkness again.

What if Dean was in on it.. Dean was so.. Mean.. The last time they talked. The time Cas needed his hunter the most. The.. H- He needed Dean..

  


~

A few hours later

The door flew open with a bang so loud, it rattled the walls. Cas turned, blinking toward the noise. His stomach dropped. A pack of angels stood at the door chuckling menacingly amongst each other. Cas scrambled into a corner holding his hands over his head, "Please go away.." he whispered.

The door closed shut. He couldn't tell if he was alone. 

He held his breath--

-Silence.. He lifted his head and sighed.

His relief was struck down by a kick into his face. He cupped his cheek and huddled back into a corner. This was really bad. Fuck. He couldn't think. His head swam and their laughter chimed in the darkness. 

"J- Just leave me _alone_ -"

His leg was pulled out from underneath him, dragging him into the middle of the room. They pulled at his clothes and pinched, scratched and bit at his skin.

He struggled against them hard, " _Stop this_!" he cried. But it was to no avail. They weren't there to be reasoned with. They didn't want to talk. They didn't care.

"Hold his arms," one of the angels hissed, 

Cas felt his arms lock into a vice hold, and one of them for good measure gripped onto his hair, almost yanking it out of his scalp, tilting his head backwards. He couldn't move. His legs were pushed apart with little effort. He got tired quickly. His strength had failed.  
He took a deep breath in, bracing himself against the floor. The angel's cock tore into his ass with no preparation or mercy. Thrusting all the way in making Cas buck away from the pain. His scream cut out by another angel's cock thrusting down his throat. He gagged with one last attempt to fight against it- failing..  
The laughter and mocking continued as one after another had their way with him. 

"He's so pathetic, this is not as fun anymore," the angel dropped Cas' bruised hips back onto the slate,

"We need to make him scream louder," leered another,

One of the angels chuckled, "Listen to this.."

" _h- help.. help me,_ " Cas scrunched up his face in pain. His mouth was parted, trying to catch his breath. There was no place in his mind he could retreat to. No comfort in the darkness. He was trapped. 

The angel rolled Cas onto his stomach and thrust into him hard, grinding him against the sharp jagged slate floor. Cas groaned in pain. His skin was burning. He was so exhausted. His head spun.

"Idiot, that was barely audible! Out of the way!" 

Cas felt the pressure in his ass disappear, only to be turned on to his back again. 

"I'll show you a screaming orgasm."

That voice.. " _B-Bartholomew, Bartholomew, wh-_ "

Pressure filled him again. Bartholomew's hand slid in between his thrusts and squeezed Cas' balls relentlessly. Cas arched against him, letting out a strangled yell which was drowned out by their laughter. The thrusting sped up as Bartholomew reached his climax, still holding Cas' manhood in a tight grip.

"Has everyone had their share?" Agreements and snickers were exchanged around the room, "Alright. Now to assess the damage.." He held the door open and they all looked back at the red raw angel on the floor. They all exclaimed happily, admiring the blood, cuts and bruises covering Cas' skin, before leaving the room and straightening themselves up.

Cas tilted his head towards the door, peering up at the one blond angel that remained, "Castiel, you're fucking pathetic. Remember this; know your place is right here.. Amongst your brothers, "

The door slammed, leaving Cas shivering and broken in the dark.

A day later

Naomi shook Cas' arm, "Castiel, I'm waiting. Are you even listening to me?" 

Cas shook his head, "huh..?"

She sighed impatiently, "It's time."

He had to be helped up by the angel guards. He didn't know why, but he was finding it hard to heal properly. His whole body was in pain and the circles under his eyes were so dark. He felt broken. Weak. They placed him in the room. Cas dropped to his knees, unable to support himself.

Dean walked up to him, stopping in front of him, "Cas? Are you hurt?"

Cas peered up at Dean. His face contorted and his neck tendons tensed as he started to cry- he didn't have enough energy to produce any sound. He was broken. He nodded at Dean's question. _Please, Dean.._ Cas hoped that Dean could just pick him up and take him away..

"Cas-" Dean crouched in front of him resting his hand on Cas' shoulder, "You okay?"

Cas shook his head, "You- You need to get me out of here, Dean-" he gripped onto Dean's jacket, pulling the hunter down to his knees, "Please, if you love me at all, please _get me the hell out of here._ "

Dean scoffed, leaning backwards.

'" _Dean, please. Don't- Don't leave me- I need you._ " Cas held on tighter.

Dean's hands came down on Cas' wrists, "I don't want to help you."

Cas sobbed so hard that he struggled getting his words out, " _I've- done- nothing- to deserve this-_ "

Dean broke away from Cas and stood up, "That's not what I hear.." He turned and walked back into the sliding door.

" _ple-ase!_ " Cas curled up and cried into the floor as the lights flashed on overhead. He couldn't breathe. Why..

A day or two later

The door opened and Naomi strolled in, "Castiel, if you come with me, Dean is waiting for you."

"It's not Dean.. It can't be the real Dean.." he breathed.

But he had to keep trying.. Cas stood slowly and stumbled to the door. He held his arms out in front of himself, trying to keep his balance. They walked down the hall, and turned the corner. The door stood before him, ominous and taunting.

He stepped in.

Dean was already there, as beautiful as the last time, "Dean..," he whispered.

He turned and stared at Cas, making Cas' heart clench in his chest, "Cas.." he smiled and started walking toward him.

Cas ran at him and tackled him to the ground, straddling himself over Dean's hips, "I love you so much, Dean.. I love you," he kissed at his jaw, "tell me,' he leant in, and kissed him hard, "tell me you love me back. Please, tell me.. You.."

Dean stared up at him blankly as he started pushing at his legs, "No."

"..no.." Cas repeated, unsure if that was what he had just heard.

He pushed Cas off of him and stood up.

Castiel's face crumpled, "just.. hold me, _please_!"

"No." Dean turned and walked away.

"I can't do this anymore! It's killing me! It's fucking _killing me_!" he screamed at Dean, but the hunter just kept walking. Cas slammed his fists into the ground and cried hard, yelling incoherently. The lights flicked on with a clunk.

"How many times have you done this now? And how many more times are you going to have to do it? This is getting you nowhere, Castiel."  
She turned to the door, "To his room." The angel guards walked him back to the dark. They stepped in with him and closed the door.

~

Three weeks in solitude

The door opening startled Cas out of deep thought. His hands shot up to his eyes. The bright light hurt a lot. "I'm waiting, Castiel." Naomi cooed,

He stood up slowly and stalked out into the hallway. He had a tight-set grimace on his face. Why the hell was Dean doing this to him? Siding with that _fucking_ bitch, Naomi and that _rapist_ , Bartholomew. It made no sense.  
He hated them. They've turned the only thing he's ever cared about more than himself and his family against him. The way Dean looked at him last broke his heart into pieces.. The distance in his eyes was so painful.. 

They reached the door. He stepped past her and grabbed the angel blade from the stand, walking up the length of the factory in silence.

Dean stepped out from another passage ahead of him- one he hadn't seen before. He flew up to Dean and shoved him hard against the wall, "what the hell do you think you're _doing_ , Dean? This isn't you! You don't know Naomi, she-"

Dean grunted angrily, "-Get the hell offa me, you're disgusting!"

Cas' shook his head, loosening his grip a little, "what?"

Dean pushed against Cas' arm which was leaning against his neck, "You heard me, now get off! I don't want you. You're pathetic. The only reason I got with you in the first place was because I felt fucking sorry for you. I'm sick of pretending!" 

Cas squeezed his eyes closed, "..Don't say that to me.."

"I don't love you, _I never did_. Now, get off of me!"

"But-"

"Wait a sec, are you trying to defend yourself, dude? Put in a good word? Let me ask you, who the hell would want you? You're too hard to be around. You make me sick. You're demented. You're the ugliest thing I've ever seen- you're not even human."

" _Ple-ase.._ " he choked on a sob,

"Ugh, get off of me!" he shoved at Cas again, "I've got Lisa waiting at home and she gets me going faster than you ever could, Castiel."

"Stop.."

"I can't believe I wasted so much time on you. I hate myself for it."

"..Dean.. I can't-" Cas lost his words as locked eyes with Dean. 

Dean looked at him with so much hatred, it crushed him. He couldn't see anymore.. He felt Dean pushing on his chest.. "You're nothing, Cas.. And you'll always be.. Noth-"

"SHUT UP!"

Cas lodged his angel blade deep into Dean's chest, knocking the wind out of him. He fell to his knees holding Dean tightly and crying into his shoulder. He pulled away from Dean's body and looked into his lifeless eyes,  
"no.." he whispered in disbelief, "No- Dean... Dean.. I'm so sorry.. Dean.. That was.. An accident.." he ran his hand through Dean's hair, kissing at his forehead, "It was an accident.. Why the hell did you have to say those things to me?" his voice hitched, " _baby, wake up,"_

The lights flicked on down the length of the floor and Naomi walked into the room with Bartholomew clapping slowly. "I am so proud of you, Castiel," she sighed, "We've waited months for this progress."

Cas didn't pay attention. His head was throbbing. He couldn't believe what he just did.. Dean was dead. He'd killed him. He took their life away, because he too was now dead. There was no point in living.. Not if Dean wasn't around. He held the sides of Deans face and kissed him. He was his world.. His eternity. It was lost.. He choked on his saliva and continued to cry into Dean's neck, kissing him softly.

Naomi nodded to the angel guards. They started walking toward him, "Stay away from me!" He clung onto Dean's arm, "I need to be here- he needs me!" They lifted him effortlessly, "No.. Please, just give me a minute.. It'll just be a minute- let- let me go! He kicked at them trying to fall out of their grip to just hold Dean in his arms one last time.. His eyes focused on the blade that stuck out of Dean's un moving chest, ' _Let me go_!' he screamed. He made a grab at the blade but he was disarmed immediately. They dragged him to his room. He lay where they placed him, unable to move. 

His mind took him back, not 5 months earlier.. 

_He and Dean were in bed together.. He ran his hand through Dean's hair and kissed him lazily, their tongues tangling effortlessly. He stopped and pulled back._

_Dean raised his eyebrows and blinked sleepily, "You okay, Cas?"_

_He nodded and kissed his cheek, tracing his fingers along Dean's bottom lip, "I just.. Love you.. So much."_

_Dean smirked, pulling him into another kiss, "I love you more,"_

_He shook his head, "No one has ever loved another, as much as I love you right now- I'm certain of it."_

_Dean smiled and buried his face in Cas' neck, kissing down to his shoulder._

He'll never see Dean's face again..

~

Two days after Dean's death

Cas' face was puffy from crying so hard. It stung.

Naomi opened the door, "Castiel, can I have a word with you?" Cas didn't look up, "It's about the last time you saw Dean." She waited for Cas to respond, but she didn't get a reaction. "Castiel, follow me."

Cas automatically rose to his feet and followed her blindly down the hall. 

They reached the wooden door. On autopilot, Cas stepped inside.

Dean strolled through the passage closest to him.. "..Cas?"

Cas' jaw dropped. His eyes widened.

4 days later

Bartholomew peered into Cas' room. He was standing in the middle of the room staring at him, "What is this..?" he breathed.

"This is your training, Castiel," he responded adamantly, "you've killed him once, you can do it again. The more you do it, the better you will be. You won't even think twice by the time we're done here."

"I can't.. I need him to live. I..-"

"why? Because you love him?" he leered,

"yes.." he hugged his arms.

"Castiel, come." he turned and walked toward the door, "You'll find that he has been playing you for a fool this entire time. You mean nothing to him. Not even a memory."

"You're a liar, it's not really Dean. I know him." he shook his head.

"Come." he led Cas down the hall, holding his arm out, gesturing him into the room.

Dean wandered in from the back end of the floor, holding his gun in front of him.

Cas started walking toward him, but stopped mid step. Dean turned his gun on him and took three shots straight into the angel's chest. Cas lowered his head, assessing the lack of damage before looking back toward Dean, who was awestruck, "What the hell are you?" he yelled.

Cas clenched his jaw and covered the distance between them, "You know who I am, Dean." 

Dean held his gun at Cas' head, "I've never seen you before in my life," he shifted on his feet, "one more time. What the hell are you?"

Anguish spread across Cas' face, "Dean, I'm the angel, Castiel.." he opened his arms and stepped toward him, "I'm your angel.. You don't remember me?"

Dean scoffed, " _My_ angel..? Man, why do I always get the short end of the stick.. Why can't my angel be a hot broad with big.." he lowered his hands from his chest gestures and held his gun back up at Cas, his arrogant smile disappearing, "Alright, angel Cas, how do I get outta here?" 

Cas laughed breathlessly at the use of his nickname, "I don't know," he pulled Dean into a surprised embrace, disregarding the gun. Dean tensed up, not hugging him back. Cas buried his face into Dean's neck and inhaled his scent, "I've missed you so much.."

Dean pulled away, "Okay, that wasn't creepy.."

"You don't remember, I know.. But we're in a very intimate relationship." 

Cas reached for Dean's hand, but the hunter recoiled, gasping, "We what?"

Cas shifted awkwardly, lowering his hand, "We-"

"Woah, I'm not a faggot," Dean interrupted fiercely, deliberately lowering his voice to sound more dominant, "never have been, never will be. You're a dude, that's just fucking wrong!" He glared at Cas, "You're a gay angel? Isn't that against your God?"

"You opened my heart, Dean.. Besides, God really doesn't mind, it's people that mind." Cas was trying to keep his cool. It wasn't Dean's fault that he didn't remember him. It was Naomi and Bartholomew's , "You love me. I'm in love with you- I-," he tried to catch his emotions, biting on his lip.

Dean gasped, "No.. No, I can't be a faggot, this is so fucking wrong.." He ran his fingers through his hair, pacing the width of the room as his eyes searched the floor, "I've destroyed my life," he breathed, "I've let down my family.. What the fuck.. What does Dad think.." he dropped to his knees and pressed his palms to his face.

Cas started walking over to him, "We were happy- I swear to you. It was something you wanted-" he watched Dean's distressed face appear from behind his hands, "Dean, _please_ listen to me.."

Dean shook his head, "No," he whispered, "I would never have chosen this," He picked up his gun and shoved it into his mouth.

" _What are you doing_?!" Cas flew toward him as the blast echoed throughout the factory, crashing to his knees in front of Dean's lifeless body. His throat constricted, leaving him screaming silently into Dean's chest. His body was heaving, unable to let air into his lungs. Dean just fucking killed himself because of him.. No way.. No, it's not real. That can't be the real Dean- His father was alive. Dean just killed himself.

Naomi knelt next to Cas, causing him to flinch away. She stroked down his cheek with the backs of her fingers, "That must hurt, Castiel.." he closed his eyes at her touch. "All we did was erase his memories of you. His actions toward the news of you two being.. 'faggots' was not surprising, to say the least," she stood, resting her hand on Cas' head, "It's not natural. You ended his life, because he was so disgusted in himself for ever laying his hands on you, you understand that, don't you?" she turned and started for the door, "You might as well have pulled that trigger yourself."  
Cas nodded in agreement, his tears blinding his vision once more. He accepted her words without thinking. The truth was in front of him. He did this.. He did this to Dean. 

A day later

Cas stepped in warily. He walked into the middle of the factory floor and waited for Dean. He waited for about an hour.. It's never taken this long before..

Dean finally emerged, looking as though he was pushed out the door, "No, don't put me in there with that monster!" the door closed behind him, locking him in with Cas. Dean punched the steel door, "You'll regret this!" He turned and faced Cas. He huffed and walked over to him, pushing the angel hard, knocking him off balance, "Are you fucking happy with yourself, Cas?" 

Cas blinked, opening his mouth,

"-Don't fucking talk to me. I don't want to hear your voice. Fuck, I can't believe you always fuck up and get us caught in these stupid fucking situations. All because of that goddamn ego of yours!"

"Dea-" Dean landed a punch in the middle of Cas' face

"I said don't fucking talk to me!" he circled Cas, "From the moment I knew that it was you that pulled me out of hell- all I wanted to do was go back. Cas, _hell_ is better than you."

Cas' lip trembled.

"I wish someone better got me out. Someone like Raphiel. He's the type of angel I like. If any."

"..What..?" Cas stepped toward him.

"You fucking heard me," Dean pulled out his knife, "Maybe if those angels fucked you hard enough, they'd get their point across,"

Cas rolled his shoulders in aggravation.

"Or is there not enough love in their thrusts," Dean side stepped around Cas, leaving a drag on the 's', "You always were pathetic in bed.." Dean dry retched.

Cas grunted and pulled Dean into a hold from behind, holding Dean's wrist up, the knife pointed at his throat, "Stop. Talking. Now."

Dean's lips curled into a smile, "Make me, you freak."

"I don't want to!" Cas yelled into Dean's shoulder, resting against it, "I love you."

Dean made a disgusted noise, pushing against him, "You're tainted. I don't fucking want you anymore!"

"It's not my fault, I-"

"Everything is your fault, Cas. You're the abomination, not me."

"You're wrong-"

Dean shifted his body to face him- his eyes bore into Cas', "I'm going to watch them plow into you next time. I'm going to enjoy watching them tear you apart." he spat through his teeth into Cas' face.

Cas drove the blade through the back of Dean's neck. Dean's eyes widened and blood dribbled out of his mouth. He choked for a moment, before collapsing in Cas' arms, "You're not my Dean," Cas let him slip out of his grip, he scowled at the likeness of the corpse and held his hand over his face when the main lights clunked on.

"Delayed," Bartholomew strolled into the room, "Better luck tomorrow, Castiel."

The next day

"Just stop..'"Cas' sight was blurring out, "I don't want to do this anymore.."

" _You_ don't want to?" Dean scoffed, "I don't even want to be near you! I fucking _hate_ you, Castiel. There isn't enough words." Dean aimed the outstretched angel blade that Cas gripped at his heart, "I'll kill myself _for_ you. I can't stand you anymore. Why do you think Sam has never hugged you- Only when he thought he was going to die. It didn't matter anymore, the filth would wash away with his corpse."

"You're lying. He said it was just too awkward-"

"No. _you_ said it was. You put words of comfort in his mouth. He told me all about it, and we laughed ourselves sick. The truth is.. We all hate you."

Cas blinked tears down his face, "Dean.."

"You know it is- You know what I'm saying is true. You're just too fucking stupid to see it. Can't do anything right, can't even kill or be killed properly. I can't believe this." he kicked at Cas' shin, "You're disgusting. You're not even going to kill me.. You're too weak."

Cas held his breath and took a step forward, lodging the blade into Dean's chest. The hunter's mouth dropped open as he clutched around the blade. It cut into his fingers as he fell backwards, leaving Cas standing in the light.

Dean had turned against him on his own, after all.. Naomi was right this whole time.. He was such a fool..

3 months of killing daily

Cas ran his fingers over his ribs, trailing invisible patterns along his skin. He hummed to himself.

The door rattled, and clunked open. "Come, Castiel."

He huffed, and stepped upright agilely. He walked in diagonal lines down the hall, snickering when Bartholomew looked back at him, narrowing his eyes. Fucking brat.

He stepped through the door, and picked up the angel blade on the stand. Dean walked into the room, his gun pointing at Cas, "Cas?" he blinked.

Cas kicked the gun out of Dean's hands and punched him in the face. Dean fell to his knees, groaning in pain. He grabbed Dean's out stretched fingers and twisted them, breaking his wrist.  
Dean cried out in agony, holding onto Cas' coat with his good hand. Cas gripped his angel blade tightly.. "No, Cas, baby- no! Please.. Please..!" ..ramming it under Dean's chin and into his head. Dean's blood spurted all over Cas' face.  
He blinked, emotionless.  
The lights lit up the room around him.. All he was seeing was his Dean lying dead at his feet. The angel blade slid out of his shaking hands, clanging loudly to the ground, sending a ring through his ears.  
His mouth was parted, but he wasn't out of breath. He was completely numb.

He killed Dean. Again.

Naomi walked up behind him, "No hesitation.. Quick, Brutal.." 

Cas ran his eyes over the floor ahead of him, not listening to her words.

"Everything's back in order.." she held his arm, "Finally.. You're ready."

He was too busy counting the bodies that were strewn all over the once empty factory floor.. They were all Dean.. They were all created for the soul purpose of being destroyed.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Castiel."

He walked back to the door, stopping beside her, "There is no light in this darkness, ..Naomi.." he turned his head and met her gaze, with lost dark eyes.

She shifted slowly. His stare made her uneasy.

He shook his head and walked himself back to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

_A dentist's chair? But I'm finished.. I've completed the training.. What is going on, my vessel is fine.._

  


Naomi entered the room as Castiel was being strapped to the chair. Cas leant away from her as she walked closer, 'Castiel, don't be a fool. You can't move from that chair,' She waved the angels away, 'We just need to tweak a few things in your brain, that's all..' her carefree tone sent shivers down Cas' spine. Naomi picked up a small drill that made a high pitched buzz when she turned it on, 'We don't want you remembering all of this when you go back to Earth- only the coding, do you understand?'

'No, please, please- I don't need this, I know what I have to do, just let me-' Cas pulled away as she got closer with the drill, 'please, Naomi, let me prove it to you-' he turned his head away from her and closed his eyes, _'please listen to me_!' 

Naomi grabbed under Cas' chin and turned his face toward her, 'hold still.'

The pain. The pain was excruciating. Like a hot branding iron tunneling into the corner of his eye. His screams turned into panting, followed by a prolonged silence. Naomi stopped and held the drill in place, 'Castiel, can you hear me?'

Cas started to speak in Enochian. She closed her eyes and smiled. She was succeeding in building her perfect weapon. The perfect angel. 

'Castiel, if this doesn't fix you, nothing will. You're just a soldier. A broken soldier, programmed to follow Heaven's will. You will obey my orders without question and without hesitation. You belong to me, your service and your life is Heaven's,'

Naomi smiled softly, 'you will not remember any of this, nothing. Not even our talks when you check in with your progress in locating the demon tablet, but most importantly.. The angel tablet,' she turned off the drill, 'and when the time comes, you will do whatever it takes to bring the tablets to me. You will kill Dean Winchester. 

'Yes.' he answered automatically.

  
  


. . .

  
  


The air was hot and roaring. He was falling, and fast. The impact hurt, but it was also an overwhelming sense of release. His eyes adjusted to the forestry around him. It was Earth. He'd finally made it back from Purgatory. He grunted as he rose to his feet, letting the damp air fill his lungs. He was still so weak. He staggered and tripped over the foliage, unknowingly determined to meet the goals Naomi had placed for him.

Cas found a road. He walked along it for hours, pondering how he got back from Purgatory. A sign up ahead caught his eye. A giant bear was holding it. Cas scoffed at the poorly placed advertising. There were almost no cars on the road. 

As soon as he thought his loneliness would continue, he heard the rumble of a car behind him. As it passed, he realized it was the impala. It was not a coincidence that he fell where he did. Dean was right there. It was Dean. The car skidded to a stop. _Finally.. Dean. It was Dean.._

~

'Castiel,' Cas held his arms out to the sides of the walls, eyeing Naomi warily, 'Castiel,' she repeated, 'I don't know if you're ready. I've been watching you closely. You're already falling into bad habits, with irrational, incorrect feelings.' 

'I am ready, Naomi. I've been ready for a long time now,' Cas dropped his arms and started pacing around her desk, 'How do you think they will react if I don't try to act like who I was before?'

' _Acting_ ,' Naomi repeated, 'acting could work fine..,' she held Cas by the shoulder and stopped him mid-step, 'if that is really acting, Castiel,' Cas widened his eyes, 'No.. I don't doubt for one minute that you are acting,' she smiled, 'after all, we tapped into you, there is no doubt that you are doing Heaven's work now, is there..?'

'N-no,' Cas blinked, 'no, I am on a mission. I will not stray from my path.'

'That is re-assuring to hear, Castiel. Now, resume your mission.'

  


~

  


Cas popped back into Earth like a sideways sweep of a pendulum. The day had turned to dusk. Dark clouds covered the sky and a rumble of thunder echoed through the hills. He continued up the road with no sign that Dean was ever around these parts. The ache of his body was subsiding as he walked into the night. 

After four hours into his trek, he finally heard Dean. Dean was praying to him. He picked up his pace, once he pinpointed the hunter's location. Rain poured relentlessly down on him, beading at the tips of his hair. He was breathing hard. He had to get to Dean.

Once outside Dean's window, he peered in. Dean was on Sam's laptop, a dull light illuminating his perfect features. Dean was concentrating hard. A flash of lightning caught Castiel's shadow, causing Dean to break away from his research. 

He glanced up and saw Cas peering in at him. He shoved the laptop aside without breaking eye contact, for fear of losing sight of Cas again. But with a blink of his eye, Cas was gone. Dean continued walking to the window in disbelief. Cas was right there. He was there. Was he going crazy? It wasn't like him to see visions of anything. That was Sammy's thing. His throat tightened and his stomach clenched. Cas was out there. He had to be.

'Dean?' Sam shifted in his bed, 'You alright?'

Dean broke out of his thoughts, 'I- I don't know..' he couldn't pull his eyes away from the window, 'I just saw someone,'

'Uh..' Sam slid out of bed and stood behind Dean, who was still staring intently at the window, 'saw what?'

Dean clenched his jaw and glanced around the room self consciously trying to spit the name out, 'Cas..'

'Cas? Where?' Sam leaned in closer to the window, believing in his brother as much as he could,

'he was right there..' Dean's voice cracked, an overwhelming defeat coming over him, 'and earlier, on the road..' Dean saw through the logic faster than Sam did, but he couldn't stop shaking, 'I- I'm seeing him,'

Sam furrowed his brow, 'that's.. Not possible.. I mean, you said it yourself, you made it out and he didn't, right?' 

Dean swallowed down his pain, 'I tried so damn hard to get us the hell out of there..' he hung his head and paced away from the window.

'I know you did,' Sam held his arm out. He wished that he had more words to comfort his brother, but he had nothing. He knew that nothing would douse the fire in Dean's heart.

'You know.. I could have pulled him out.. I just don't understand why he didn't try harder,' Dean bit into his lip in an attempt to bite back his tears.

'Dean..' Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder, 'You did everything you could.' He knew that there were no truer words. Dean would have gone to any length to bring Cas home, and he knew it. Something had gone amiss, and it was not on Dean's end. 

'Yeah.. Well, why do I feel like crap?' Dean smiled at the tears that threatened to fall. He didn't want Sam awake to see him like this. It was his burden. He needed to handle it on his own. 

'..Survivor's guilt?' Dean raised his eyebrows at the response. He didn't expect an answer to his statement. 'If you let it,' Sam continued, 'this is gonna keep messing with you. You gotta walk past it.' Dean nodded, continuing to hold himself together.

  


~

  


'Castiel,' Naomi cooed, 'It has come to my attention that your training with us has deemed you weak. You're unable to heal correctly, you can't fly, you most certainly will not be able to fight. Is this making sense to you, or are you too defective?'

Cas nodded slowly, 'I haven't had much strength at all. It feels like i'm on the edge of humanity..'

'Ugh,' Naomi scoffed, waving her hand as if she smelled something rotting, 'Castiel, you are a disgrace, but do not compare yourself to those apes,' she took Cas' hand and walked him into a small white room with a single bed in it, 'lay down and close your eyes, we will begin the restoration treatment. This will not boost you back all the way, but it will allow you to perform simple combative tasks.'

Castiel obeyed, laying down on the bed. It was uncomfortable. He felt vulnerable and insecure. Naomi smiled at the door, allowing three angels into the room. It felt claustrophobic. The angels placed their hands heavily on Castiel's body and began healing him. Cas sensed their disapproval. He shivered and closed his eyes, letting his body be filled with their light.

After three solid days into healing, one by one, the angels left the room. Naomi appeared at the door again, 'Castiel, how do you feel?'

Cas sat up and clenched his fists, 'I feel better, thank you.'

We didn't do this for you, Castiel,' one of the angels sneered, 'You're indebted to Heaven's will for as long as you exist. Never forget your purpose.'

Cas appeared behind Dean. His stomach knotted. He didn't mean to appear without warning. How did he get here so quickly?

Dean wiped his chin dry after brushing his teeth. He straightened his back and gazed at his reflection in the mirror. Out of the corner of his eye, stood Cas. His face dropped. He turned on his heel, gasping. He needed Cas to be there. He couldn't handle it if he turned to an empty door way, _please_ -..'

Cas _was_ there. His clothes were ragged, his beard had grown in.. He was filthy. He was fresh out of Purgatory.

'Hello, Dean..' Cas mumbled,

Dean's eyes widened. It was Cas. It was his angel. He made it. He got out of Purgatory. 'C- Cas.. _Cas_!' Dean pulled him into his chest and clung onto him tightly, for fear of it just being another vision. 'Cas,' he breathed, 'You're here,'

Sam glanced up from his laptop and saw Dean embracing Castiel. He stood up from his desk so fast, his chair fell to the floor, making all of them jump, 'Cas!' Sam strode across the room and pulled Cas into a quick hug, 'It's good to see you, I don't believe it, you're actually here!' 

'Yeah, I've been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason, I wasn't at full power, so I couldn't connect with you.' Cas pulled at a string on his coat sleeve,

Sam nodded, 'hey, that must have been why you kept seeing him, Dean, what do you think?'

Dean scratched at the back of his head, 'Yeah..' he was still adjusting to the sudden appearance of the angel, 'Cas.. I need to know, how did you get out?'

They stood in silence for a little while, '..I don't remember getting out. All I remember is Purgatory itsself.. And then I was on Earth again, that's all.'

Dean huffed and shook his head, 'I don't get how you can't remember it. I can remember everything. It doesn't make any sense..'

Cas shrugged his shoulders and bowed his head, 'I'm.. I'm dirty.'

Dean shook his head again. There was no way Cas had forgotten. Dean remembered everything. Everything. He stood from the wall that he was leaning against and held his hand out. Cas took Dean's hand as he led the way into the bathroom.

Sam smiled and stepped around the table, 'I'm going to go pick up some food, Dean, do you need anything?' he called,

'Food,' Dean called back,

Sam smirked, grabbed the hotel keys and closed the door behind him.

Dean sighed as he turned the water on in the shower. Sam understood and respected Dean and Castiel's relationship. It was awesome. He turned to face Cas, who was busy trying to unbutton his coat. Dean's hands came down strong, pushing Castiel's out of the way. He let Cas' clothes slide off of his body, flapping to the floor. Cas smiled and closed his eyes. Dean pulled his own clothes off of himself and led Cas into the shower.

He grabbed a washer and rubbed soap into it, working it into a lather, turning back to place it on his angel's collar bone. He worked the washer down Cas' chest, holding his wrist out to smooth it over Cas' arm. As the dirt scrubbed away, Dean noticed the familiar freckles and muscle definition that he had once admired. 

After he had scrubbed away the filth of Purgatory, he guided Cas forward into the water, washing the remaining soap suds and dirt down the drain. They rested their heads in the nook of each other's shoulders, watching the water change from a dirty brown into clear fresh water again. 

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's torso and kissed into his shoulder, tilting his head slightly, leaving a trail of kisses up behind Cas' ear. Cas shivered at the touch of his hunter. He missed it so much. It was bittersweet. He let his tears fall, masking them by the shower water. He didn't even know why he was crying, it felt like another release. Like he'd been denied Dean's touch for a much longer time than he had initially thought. 

Dean felt Cas' chest tighten. He held his hand on Castiel's lower back and rubbed his other hand across the rest of his back, soothing him.

Castiel suddenly stood up straight and backed out of the shower without word. Dean self consciously shut off the water and dried himself with a towel, glancing over his shoulder at Cas, who was reading an instruction sheet for the hair clippers. Dean shook his head and got dressed, walking back to the table and picking up Sam's discarded chair off of the floor. 

Cas just needed time. Their relationship was going to have to wait. All kinds of thoughts filled his head as he sat, staring numbly at the wall. The fumble of the hotel door broke Dean's thought process. Sammy had returned with a few things from the store.

'Hey, how is he?' Sam asked, placing a bottle of milk into the bar fridge,

Dean shrugged his shoulders, 'I dunno, man. I just can't believe that he doesn't remember how he got out. There's no way,' he eyed the rest of Sam's groceries, 'Where's the beer?'

Sam turned from the fridge, 'What? I didn't buy any, you told me to get food,' 

Dean stood from his chair in a huff, 'Damn it, Sam, beer is food,' Dean grabbed his keys off of the counter and made his way out the door.

Sam smiled at Dean's frustration. He opened his laptop and continued to research the connections to the sudden disappearances of people.

  


~

  


Cas flew to the nearest business store to pick up a change of clothes. He took hold of a suit and tie, lastly nabbing a trench coat, before flying back to the hotel bathroom. He slowly started dressing, enjoying the feeling of the new, fresh clothes on his skin.

He stalked out of the bathroom and into the main room, perching on the edge of the bed and flicking on the television. Sam glanced up from his research and smiled at Cas. He was happy Cas was back, but most importantly, he knew that this was what Dean needed.

Keys fumbled in the door and Dean walked in, carrying a six pack under his arm, 'What's the latest?'

'the latest is.. Nothing,' Sam mused, 'It's like it all stopped. No freak disappearances linked to any freaky, unnatural events,'

Dean placed a beer next to Sam, cracking one open for himself, 'So how many we got? Seven?'

'Yeah, uh,' Sam pulled up a tab on his laptop, 'Luigi, Justin, Erin, Maria,-'

Dennis.. Christa.. Sven..' Cas interrupted automatically, not breaking away from the tv, 'I've missed television,' he sighed,

Sam and Dean raised their eyebrows at Cas in surprise, 'wait, Cas? How did you know those were the names?' Sam asked,

'What? They're profits,' Cas replied, confused as to why Sam had asked, 

'Profits?' Dean folded his arms, annoyed at the fact no one had bothered to ask Cas. Of course Cas would know,

'Angels instinctively know the names of every profit, past, present and future,' Cas sighed, still not breaking away from the tv,

Dean pointed over his shoulder at the laptop, clarifying what Cas just said, 'So this list is the names of every one of them that exists?' 

'Yes. Until the next generation is born-' Cas finally broke away from the tv, glancing over at the hunters, 'Plus Kevin Tran, of course. The other seven are future profits, since uh..,' the television broke his concentration again, '..Only one can exist at a time..'

Sam shook his head in confusion, 'How is Kevin a profit, if Chuck is a profit?'

Cas screwed up his nose in thought, 'Not sure what happened to Chuck, but.. He must be dead' Sam lowered his eyes. In spite of the books Chuck had written, he had a soft spot for him. They probably could have prevented his death..

'So the next one comes off the bench if Kevin goes down?' Dean was still wrapping his head around the possibilities of why they are all now missing, 

'exactly,' Cas nodded, 'they have no idea who they are, of course,' 

'..Crowley,' Sam narrowed his eyes, 

'insurance?' Dean turned to face his brother, 'Boy, he's getting desperate,'

Sam straightened his back, glancing at his laptop, 'It explains all the weird phenomenon- lower level demons? Nabbing heavy duty cargo? Vessels of God's word.. Boom.' Sam smiled at their accomplishment. Now all they had to find out is why.

Cas silently stood up, turning off the television and stepping toward the hunters, 'I get the feeling something's going on,' Dean turned and leaned back, not expecting Castiel's presence. He looked Cas up and down, a million thoughts rushing through his head.

The loud ringing of Sam's phone caught them all off guard. Sam fumbled around in his pockets before pulling the phone out and answering, 'Hello?'

'Sam, it's me, I need-'

Sam rolled his eyes, 'Mrs. Tran? Where the hell have you-'

'Sam, you're not hearing me, Crowley stole Kevin!' she sobbed,

Sam pulled the phone away from his ear and stood up, 'Crowley's got Kevin,'

Dean took the phone out of Sam's hand, 'Mrs. Tran? Where are you?'

'Dean, we have to get Kevin back! Please help me, I need my son back!' she continued sobbing,

'Calm down, just tell me where you are and we'll come meet you and go from there, okay?'

'I'll send through a location,' she hung up the phone.

Dean closed the phone and handed it back to Sam, 'Let's go,' he grabbed his keys off of the counter and made his way out the door with Sam and Castiel in pursuit.

  
  


~

  
  


They pulled up in a little space on the side of the highway. They'd been driving for a few hours, watching the sun set behind the mountains. All the while, Dean's mind ticked away at the memory of purgatory. He re-lived all of his actions, finding Castiel, helping Benny, fighting Leviathan, holding his hand out for Cas.. Pulling Cas up toward the portal..

Dean straightened his back in his seat with irritation, 'Where the hell is she?'

'She'll be here.. Mile marker 96 is kind of the half way point,' Sam eyed Dean's pent up emotion and decided against asking what the problem was.. It wasn't all to do with Kevin.

Dean's mind swung straight back to where he left it.. _Holding his hand out for Cas. Cas grabbed it- but he started to slip.. 'I got you, hold on!' Dean yelled,_

_Cas was slipping.., 'Dean!' The frightened look in Cas' eyes.._

_'Hold on!' Dean yelled again, adamant about not letting go of his angel's hand.._

_..But Cas slipped.. 'Dean!' Cas cried, 'Dean!' Cas slipped out of his grip. Dean had failed. He got sucked into the portal before he could try to help Cas again.. He'd failed._

Dean blinked back into reality. He couldn't have failed. He did everything he could to try to get Cas home. He couldn't have..

'Cas, I want to talk to you outside.' Dean opened the car door and stepped out into the cold night air. He walked a few paces from the car to try to get away from the lingering memory.

Cas exchanged a confused look with Sam, before stepping out of the car and following Dean's steps to meet him. He tilted his chin up, 'What?' 

Dean furrowed his brow, 'Exactly, " _what_ "? What the hell happened?'

Cas squinted his eyes, trying to understand what Dean was talking about,

Dean shook his head, realizing he wasn't making sense, 'Back there- Purgatory.. I told you, I would get you out.' 

Cas turned his head away in defense. He'd already told Dean that he didn't remember, why didn't Dean believe him? Why couldn't he just drop it?

Dean stepped into Castiel's line of view, 'We were there! It's like you just.. _Gave up_! It's like you didn't believe we could do it, I mean, you kept saying that you didn't think it would work- Did you not trust me?' Dean raised his voice, his emotions started to overwhelm him,

'Dean,-' Cas tried to settle Dean down,

'I did everything I could to get you out..' Dean interrupted, 'Everything..' his lip trembled and his eyes welled, 'I did _not_ leave you..'

Realization spread across Castiel's face, 'So you think this was.. Your fault..?'

Dean tilted his head to the side. It was his fault, but Cas didn't seem to think it was.. Dean opened his mouth, but the words didn't form.

In that moment, a car pulled off the road. It was Mrs. Tran. Sam got out of the impala and started walking over to her car.

Cas took a hold of Dean's hand, 'I'll explain everything to you later, okay?'

Dean swallowed hard, nodded his head and walked over to his brother's side with Cas following.

Mrs. Tran stepped out of her car in a fluster, 'You can do this, can't you? You can get him back?'

Dean dismissed her question with his own, 'How did Crowley find you?'

Mrs. Tran rolled her eyes, 'I hired a witch, and she ratted us out.'

Dean's mouth dropped. He had no words for her stupidity. He took a walk and slid back into his impala, letting Sam handle the situation.

Sam and Cas stood with her and gathered all of the details they needed to finding Crowley's hidden establishment with the help of the demon that Mrs. Tran had captured. Sam returned to the car, 'We've got a location, but we've got a bit of road to cover, are you up for it?'

Dean pressed the side of his hand into his forehead, 'Yeah, that's cool.'

'Hey, i'm going to go with Mrs. Tran so we can swap drivers at some point,' Sam leaned against the window, hushing his voice, 'that'll give you and Cas a chance to catch up on things,'

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line, 'yeah,'

'alright, dude. I'll see you in a bit,' Sam tapped his hands on the car and strode off toward Cas, patting him on the back. Cas nodded and started walking toward the impala.

Castiel relaxed into the passenger seat, as the impala started with a rumble. Dean sped out in front of Sam, enjoying the view of an open road better than the back of another car.

Cas smiled at Dean. He wasn't doing anything in particular, just driving. But he didn't have to be doing anything at all to be beautiful. He reached down and entwined his hand with Dean's.

Dean smoothed his thumb over Cas' knuckles. His features softened. He was more at ease now than he was at the turn off. That was a relief.

He glanced over at Cas, noticing he was being watched. Cas' stomach lifted as they made eye contact. Dean had intense eyes. 

'You're beautiful, Dean,' Cas murmured, just loud enough for Dean to hear,

Dean smirked and swept his chin out to the side, his dimples pulling into his face, 'thanks, Cas.'

  
  


~

  
  


A few hours later, Sam called Dean's phone. Dean pulled his hand out of Cas' grip, balling his hand into a fist and stretching out the ache before reaching for his phone, 'Yeah?'

'Hey, man. Just letting you know that we swapped seats. If you guys haven't yet, do it now, okay?' 

'Yeah, yeah, i'll pull over soon,' Dean sighed,

'Dean, you drove all yesterday and all today, pull over. If you work yourself too hard, you'll crash.' 

The worried tone in Sam's voice had Dean slowing down. He was pretty tired now that Sam mentioned it, 'Alright, Sammy.'

'Alright, bye.' Sam slid his phone back into his pocket. 

Dean stopped his car and stepped out onto the gravel by the side of the road. He leaned backwards, stretching out his body. Cas folded his arms around Dean's torso and kissed his neck, turning Dean back toward the car. Dean's hands came down on Cas', pulling him tighter into Dean's back. Cas walked him to the passenger door, 'You get some rest.'

Dean nodded and yawned, 'I didn't think I was this tired.'

Cas hopped into the driver's seat and took off down the road. Dean took Castiel's hand. He watched the lines on the road appear with the headlights and disappear underneath the hood, until he drifted off to sleep.

  
  


~

  
  


Daylight broke through the clouds. Dean stretched and took a sip of his coffee, 'It's going to be tough getting in there. I'll bet Crowley has the whole place in lock down.'

Sam walked up to Dean and Cas, 'Where's Mrs. Tran?' Dean asked,

'I handcuffed her to the car,' Sam kept walking past them, 'let's go,'

'good call, Sammy.' The last thing they needed was another person to protect.

Dean led Sam and Cas through heavy machinery and down some stairs with expertise stealth. He waved them back, noticing that they had company.

A demon was on patrol, walking from the direction that they wanted to get to. Dean pulled a knife from his pocket and stabbed the demon in the back, killing him instantly. They continued on their mission, coming to a fork. Sam tapped Dean's shoulder, 'I'll check that way,' he disappeared behind a wall. Dean turned to Cas, nodding that they continue to the left. 

Dean led Cas into a dimly lit corridor. Cas stepped ahead, 'we're very near Kevin,' he mumbled,

Dean nodded, the break of silence unsettling his nerves. He followed Cas into another room, turning as he noticed the foot steps change. His instincts were correct, coming face to face with a demon.

It raised it's hand at Dean, sending the hunter flying into some chains. Dean's foot got tangled up in them. He gripped on to one of the chains, desperately trying to free himself.

The demon turned to Cas, raising his hand once more. Castiel was pushed backwards a few steps, before raising his hand in return and smiting the demon. The energy it took had Cas panting, out of breath. He closed his eyes and braced himself against the wall next to him.

Dean freed his foot, jumping back onto the platform. He caught Cas by the shoulder, steadying him, 'What the hell's goin' on?' 

Cas was too puffed to respond.

Dean helped Cas stand upright, 'You're not all the way back, are you?' 

Cas glared at Dean. He was okay. He could do this. He needed to do this. The profit and the demon tablet were right there, 'I'm fine, Dean,'

'Yeah, bullcrap. Get behind me, I'm leading from here on, you hear me?' Dean held his arm out, pushing Cas against the wall.

They came to a locked door. Dean pulled out his pick and got to work. He struggled with it, 'It's not working,' he grunted,

Cas stared at the door. Crowley was right there.. Cas didn't stand a chance in his current condition.. This was it. He had to get the tablet. He had to go in. He held Dean's shoulder, 'Dean, I'm going in,'

Dean turned to face him, 'Cas, no. You're not strong enough,' Dean blinked rapidly, trying to determine another course of action where he didn't have to use Cas, 'Just give me a minute with this lock, you're not going in there alone.'

Cas clenched his teeth, 'It's talking too long,' Cas flew into the room. 

Dean tried to reach for him, but he was gone. 'Damn it, Cas.' he turned back to the door, determined to get it opened.

  
  


~

  
  


Castiel swayed on his feet. The flight took more energy out of him. He slid his hand behind him, bracing himself against the wall.

Crowley heard the flap of wings behind him. He turned slowly, 'Castiel..' he smirked, 'Fresh from Purgatory. Wish you'd called, first.'

'Crowley,' Cas acknowledged back,

'Which Castiel is it this time, I'm never sure.. Madman, or Meddler-maniac?' 

Cas dismissed Crowley's snark. He pushed himself off of the wall, trying desperately to keep his balance, 'Kevin is coming with me.'

Crowley strode to Kevin's side, 'I think not..' he leaned in toward Cas, 'Profit's playing on my team, now..'

Cas dropped the hidden blade from his sleeve into his hand, staring Crowley down, but he got the opposite reaction that he was looking for; Crowley held his hand up, another angel blade appearing into his fingers. Kevin slid off of his chair and backed himself toward the other side of the room.

'So this is how it's going to be?' stated Cas,

'Well, it's all very "west-side story", but let's be logical. You look like Hell. And I should know. You're not up for this,' he sneered,

Cas pulled the last card that he had. He took a hold of his grace, and amped it up. His eyes lit up into an awesome blue, filling the room with light.

Dean saw light under the door, 'come on you freakin' thing!' he yelled, still trying with the lock.

Crowley lowered his eyebrows, 'Maybe you can get it up, but you can't keep it up..' he tightened his grasp on the blade that he was wielding.

Castiel lowered his head, exerting more energy out. He concentrated will all of his will to spread his wings. They were magnificent, projecting off of the shadow of the wall behind him. Full, feathered, and undeniably intimidating.

Crowley squinted his eyes, the brightness taking over the room. He rocked on his feet, his fight or flight instincts were taking over, as his body filled with adrenaline, 'You're bluffing!' he yelled angrily,

Cas' voice dropped an octave, 'You wanna take that chance?' he raised his left hand, a beam of light pouring out of it.

Crowley' time had ended. He made a grab for the tablet at ultra speed, but Cas was just as fast- he punched the table as hard as he could, shattering everything, the tablet had broken in half. 

Dean barged through the door, just as Crowley vanished. He turned seeing Kevin, and they both exchanged a wide eyed look. Dean stepped over the broken table, reaching out for Cas, who had crumpled to the ground in exhaustion, 'Cas, I'm here,' he held his hand under the angel's head, 'Cas, can you hear me?'

Cas snapped back into the moment, clutching on to Dean's jacket sleeve, 'I'm okay,' he gasped.

Kevin picked up the half of the demon tablet, holding it close to his chest, 'should we get out of here?'

Dean pulled Cas over his shoulder and stood up, 'Let's go,'

  
  


~

  
  


'Bonehead move, back there,' Dean threw his knife into the trunk of his impala, 'You could have gotten yourself killed, why didn't you wait for me?'

Cas folded his arms, 'Well, I didn't get killed.. And it worked..'

Dean slammed the trunk closed, 'And if it didn't?'

Cas frowned, 'It would have been _my_ problem,'

'Well, that's not the way I see it,' Dean scoffed,

Cas dropped his arms, facing Dean, 'Hey, everything isn't your responsibility,' Dean bowed his head, looking up as Cas continued, 'getting me out of purgatory wasn't your responsibility-'

'-You _didn't_ get out,' Dean interrupted sharply, 'so who's fault was it?'

Cas shook his head, 'It's not about _fault_.. It's about will..' he stared questioningly at the hunter, 'Dean, do you really not remember?'

Dean laughed sarcastically, 'I lived it. Cas.. Okay, I know what happened.'

'No..' Cas breathed, 'No, you think you know..' Cas leaned in to Dean's line of sight, 'you remembered it the way you needed to.'

'Yeah, well I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay?' Dean's voice was raised and thick with emotion, 'For failing you, like I've failed every god forsaken thing that I care about. Okay? I don't need it!' Dean's throat tightened as he reminded himself of all the people he had let down.

Cas furrowed his brow, feeling the overwhelming pain that Dean was emitting, 'Dean.. Just look at it..' he raised his hand to Dean, causing the hunter to flinch away. Cas dismissed his reaction, 'Really. Look at it,' he placed his hand on Dean's forehead.

Dean closed his eyes and clenched his teeth as the painful memory started to play, once more.

_Dean had reached out for Cas, and Cas took his hand.. But he was slipping.. 'Hold on, I got you!'_

_'Dean,' Cas yelled,_

_'Hold on!' Dean yelled back, the rushing thump of the portal was blasting in his ears._

_'Dean-' Cas pulled out of Dean's grip, pushing Dean's hand away.. Dean's mouth dropped.. What- But he had him.. Cas just.. gave up?_

_'Go!' Cas backed away._

_Dean attempted to step toward Cas, still in disbelief, but the portal closed, sucking him back to Earth._

Cas removed his hand from Dean's forehead, 'See, it wasn't that I was weak.. I was stronger than you..' Dean opened his eyes, tears threatening to fall. 

'I pulled away,' Cas continued slowly, 'Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved..'

Dean shook his head, 'What the hell are you talking about..,' his voice was trembling,

'It's where I belonged..' Cas continued dryly, 'I needed to do penance. For the things I did on Earth, and in Heaven.. I didn't deserve to be out. I saw that clearly when I was there..' he rubbed at his shoulder self consciously, 'I.. I planned to stay, all along.. I just didn't know how to tell you..' Cas locked eyes with Dean's. His eyes were the most vivid green he'd ever seen. The pain in them reflected into his own, 'You can't save everyone, my friend.. Though you try.'

Dean's hands were shaking. How could he have remembered what had happened so differently? Was it to protect himself from Castiel's decision by just putting the blame onto his own shoulders?

'Hey,' Sam approached them slowly, glancing from Cas, to Dean, 'are you okay?'

Dean stared at the ground, unable to answer his brother. Once again, trying to maintain composure. Trying to wrap his head around the truth..

'Yeah,' Cas answered for Dean, 'Just,' Dean looked up at Cas, wondering what he was going to say, 'Setting a few things straight.' Dean bowed his head again, nodding in agreement.

'Good,' Sam sighed, 'Garth is going to lay low with the Tra-'

  
  


~

  
  


Cas widened his eyes. He was back in Heaven. He turned to face Naomi, 'Hello, Castiel.' she smiled, 'I would like you to update me on what has been happening since your return to Earth,'

'The profit is being kept safe, the tablet has been split in two, and the Winchesters are trying to recover the missing piece,' 

'Excellent job, Castiel. Help the Winchesters. Come when they call. You will report in to me regularly, and you will never remember having done so. Never stray from your mission, Castiel..'

Cas narrowed his eyes at her sudden intrusion, 'Now,' she smiled, 'As you were. They won't even notice that you were gone.'

  
  


~

  
  


Cas blinked rapidly at the sudden break in communication. Something wasn't right here. What just happened?

'Trans, while we try to track down the other piece. You're with us on this one, right, Cas?' Sam asked,

Cas opened his mouth, still trying to process the small time gap.

'Cas? You okay?' Sam asked with concern,

'I, um, I'm fine,' Cas stuttered, 'And y-yes, I'm with you,' he glanced at Dean, 'if that's alright,'

Dean nodded vacantly, a million thoughts were still racing through his mind.

Cas nodded as a final agreement, before dropping his arms and walking away from the brothers. He felt sick. Something was very wrong..

Sam turned back to Dean, 'Well it is.. Right? You two are good?'

Dean's eyes searched the ground for a response, 'yeah,'

'Alright, brother. Let's hit the road.' Sam held Dean's shoulder as they walked back to the impala. Cas had already clambered into the back seat, ready to continue the mission.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Thanks so much for reading. If you don't mind dropping a comment down, I'd really like to see your feedback!


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